


bruises

by RemusWantsToBattle



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abuse, Age Regression/De-Aging, Crossdressing, Dissociation, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, It'll establish Josh and Tyler at some point, It's about Spooky, Josh is mentioned but won't be in the fic that much, M/M, Pre-Blurryface, Pre-Trench Era, References to Drugs, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, Songfic, just flashbacks and at the end of spooky's journey, this is about Spooky Jim because there isn't enough fics about him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-03 23:17:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17886986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RemusWantsToBattle/pseuds/RemusWantsToBattle
Summary: "I'm screaming on the front lawn, don't you mess with my blood, mess with my blood."Josh Dun has always had other people living in his body. Spooky Jim was the only one he'd been semi open about, and the most active of all of them. And the one that wanted to protect the others.After Josh's abusive lover does something when Spooky is much more prominent than usual, Spooky takes matters into his own hands- and ends up front stuck. He can't break up with Josh's lover, that was clear, and Josh was about to tour with Tyler soon.So now Spooky has to pretend to be Josh and not ruin everything for his host, all while trying to get Josh in control with no way to talk to anyone else in Josh's system.What could go wrong?





	1. i know what you've done

**Author's Note:**

> Every chapter is based on a song, even though sometimes it's like "It started based on this and then evolved from there".
> 
> [Here's the playlist for the fic's soundtrack](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLP1i-HJtbPvLsi0cQLZRRxQu0CYImv8zc) _**!!**_
> 
> [Paypal](https://www.paypal.me/mattywantstobattle) / [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/helldriiven) / [Commissions](https://do-you-promise.tumblr.com/post/186781946449/okay-so-let-me-be-the-bearer-of-shit-news-im)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk about Blurryface being in the fic, but there's a possibility at a later date. For now, it's mostly about Spooky and Tyler.
> 
> The others in Josh are mentioned too, and Tyler is just really cute- okay.
> 
> I hope you like it, cause this is really just gonna be a vent fic.
> 
> I might make this a series and have this one just be with Spooky and have one shots with the others and stuff, but this is definitely the main story. Very pre Trench, also pre Blurryface, but it bleeds into that era later.
> 
> Kinda graphic non con already in this chapter, also a pretty gross dream.
> 
> Thanks for reading, I definitely hope to finish this.

" _I'm screaming on the front lawn_  
_Don't you mess with my blood, mess with my blood_  
_Boy you're crossing lines_  
_I know what you've done, I know what you've done_ "

 

The person in Spooky’s arms had soft pink hair. 

They were trembling violently, crying softly into Spooky’s chest and mumbling about how much they hurt. How much Josh’s boyfriend hurt them.

Spooky shushed them gently, but violent anger thrummed in his chest as the other continued to cry. They were in Josh’s mindscape, with the trembling other just getting out of control finally.

They were the Judge, the easiest target for Josh’s disgusting boyfriend. Spooky grimaced a bit. The softest too. Someone who deserved better, deserved more.

Spooky didn’t know the time. But he figured it was late, and maybe Josh would sleep soon and Spooky could talk to him.

But he knew Josh wouldn’t listen,  _ again _ .

Spooky needed to take action himself. Maybe he could tell someone.

Maybe…

The Judge gave a tiny whimper when they shifted- pain.

Spooky sighed and adjusted them as carefully as possible to lay them down, so the Judge could get some rest and not be in pain.

Spooky rubbed their back as he waited for them to fall asleep fully.

The next morning found Spooky pacing around the mindscape thinking about what to do about fucking Aston.

The Judge simply sat on the floor staring up at him and watching his every move.

“I’m gonna kill him.”

“No, please…”

Spooky blinked and sighed when the Judge shook their head. “I know, jail. The law is a thing. I won’t.”

The Judge went silent again.

“... What if I just beat him up? Self defense?”

The Judge just looked sick.

“Hhhh I know. There can’t be nothing we can do though.” Spooky stared at the Judge and chewed his lip. “You guys are my family-  _ Josh  _ is my family. I can’t just let that dick do whatever he wants!”

The Judge flinched a bit and whimpered, causing Spooky to force himself to calm down and mumble an apology.

This wasn’t the first time Spooky has gone on a tirade about needing to stop Aston, and since Josh wouldn’t agree to breaking up- stupid fear, stupid Misty convincing him, stupid Tyler not asking- Tyler!

Spooky paused his pacing, causing the Judge to look up and cock their head at him.

“I can tell Tyler!”

The Judge immediately looked scared. “But what if Aston gets mad at us, or hurts Tyler, or-”

“Tyler is the  _ only  _ one who could convince Josh, I know it!”

“But Spooky, he’ll out us and ruin our lives!” The Judge looked utterly terrified.

Spooky shook his head. “Why do we have to keep hiding? Gay, has DID, what other secrets are we hiding from everyone could he actually out us on? I don’t see a problem with either of those!”

The Judge shook their head. “You’d think being some sort of personification of anxiety would help you see the problems…”

“I’m scared of people knowing, yeah, but at this point I’m more scared we’re gonna fucking  _ die _ !”

The Judge stood up. “I’m going to my room…”

Spook didn’t stop them leaving, but did huff about it and sulk for a few moments.

Spooky jolted when he felt a ripple of fear go through the system.

Or maybe just him. He just knew he felt it, and he knew something was going on.

He remembered warning Aston once, but he never had been able to do anything because then he’d be in trouble with the others, and the law if it was just random. It needed to be in self defence. Truly in self defence.

Josh was  _ afraid _ , and Spooky could tell.

So…

Spooky jumped to his feet and quickly ran to the door outside. It was locked, but he could get in, take control from Josh, fuck Aston up finally,  **finally** , right?

It wasn’t opening, and he didn’t even know if there really was a key. Somewhere he knew this was just a metaphor, that maybe Josh was front locked and there was no way to take control until this was over?

To hell with that.

Disregarding the fact that it may hurt Josh, or even Spooky at this point, to break the door open, he set to work.

He raised his leg and smashed his foot into the door, whimpering softly when he felt pain spike in his leg.

But the fear was getting bigger, and Spooky needed control,  _ now _ .

He slammed his leg into the door harder, hearing something splinter.

Spooky felt a tug at his heart- was it close to opening? He licked his lips, took ten steps back, and ran at the door.

“Spooky?”

Spooky only had time to look at the Judge for a moment before he crashed into the door and it shattered into fragments, the floor along with it.

Spooky screamed as he fell into the hole, before he was being… held against someone?

“Fuck Josh, just take it.”

Spooky was disoriented, eyes darting around before he gave a screech as he felt something enter his body, struggling when a hand slapped onto his mouth.

Spooky was being violated.

His stomach felt tight, his chest hurt, and the hand on his mouth was making it hard to breathe. At least he’d gotten control in time for Josh to not feel it.

He thrashed, before raising a hand and slapping Aston as hard as he could from that angle.

Spooky felt the other slam into him and pin him down, eyes widened as he stared up at the person abusing him.

“You’re not Josh.”

No shit, Sherlock. Spooky growled at him, glaring with as much hatred as he could muster. If looks could kill, Aston would be dead 30 times over.

“Heh. Jim?”

Spooky struggled again, but went still when Aston just moved back and slammed into him hard.

“F-Fuck-”   
“Yeah, the only one that curses. It’s been awhile. I thought you were going to fuck me up next time, huh? It looks like I’m the one fucking you. Heh.”

Spooky swallowed, breathing shakily as Aston’s hands darted to his throat, squeezing.

He tried to reach up and pry the bastard’s hands off of him, but coupled with the rhythmic slamming he couldn’t stop, Spook didn’t know what to do.

Disgust continued growing in his body- Josh’s body- Josh’s strangely silent body.

But Spooky was pretty sure it was silent because even they didn’t want to be anywhere close to what Aston was doing.

Spooky was going to pass out.

He quickly slapped Aston’s hands over and over until they relaxed on his throat and a hand smacked him in the cheek so hard he saw stars.

Jim wanted to go home.

That wasn’t a familiar feeling, it was bitter and felt disgusting on his chest- he wanted to go  _ home _ .

“Shhh, Jim, you are home.”

Was Spooky saying this out loud?

It felt wrong and gross having his name on Aston’s tongue, but he couldn’t do anything about it.

He cried, he cried for Tyler, he cried for their mom, he cried and thrashed as much as he could for how weak he was getting.

It felt like hours had passed before Aston was finally done, and Spooky wasn’t able to move yet. He felt pain everywhere, from every hit Aston landed on his body to keep him awake, or to keep him from scratching Aston’s eyes out.

Spooky would love to scratch Aston’s eyes out right now.

He couldn’t move well and he was too close to him, too close to pain and suffering.

“Get out of Josh’s house, get out of his life, get out of our lives, leave us alone already…” Spooky grunted, struggling to try and sit up.

Aston sighed. “Jim, you don’t have any rights.”

“What?”

“You have no rights, Jim. You aren’t a real person. And you certainly aren’t the person I’m dating. This isn’t your house, your life, your body, nothing. And you will never be like us.”

Spooky’s eyes were wide and glued to Aston. He’d never even had that thought before, never once thought of himself as any less real than Josh or Tyler or even Aston.

Spooky was real.

Spooky…

Spooky’s name was Spooky Jim for christ’s sake.

He swallowed and forced himself to sit up.

“I am real…”

“If you are real, you’re at least subhuman.”

A flinch rocketed through Spooky’s body. He wanted out of control as soon as Aston was gone, and he wanted to never hear his name ever again.

“I’m allowed to do anything I want to you.”

“Get away from me.”

Aston sighed and moved to pet Spooky’s head, causing the man to flinch and cry more.

Spooky tried to struggle away as he was pulled into the other’s disgusting arms, but he was so tired.

He tried to stay awake, because he was terrified of being so vulnerable, or of someone else waking up in this man’s arms and being violated and hurt just like Spooky was.

But he couldn’t fight it, and finally succumbed to the darkness that had been tugging at him.

Only he didn’t step out of the room and get scolded slightly before being sent to bed.

He woke up somewhere unfamiliar, in a bed he’d seen maybe once. He was alone, and naked. It was warm under the covers though, so he snuggled underneath them.

He felt hands on his thighs.

Spooky ripped the covers away suddenly, to see someone coming up from a rip in the mattress, hands forcing his legs to spread as they slowly got up.

It was Aston, but it wasn’t.

No, whatever this was sounded like Aston but he was dripping something black, and it was getting on Spooky.

Spooky had a feeling it would never wash off.

Suddenly, someone was knocking on the door to the room.

“Shh, you can’t open the door. You aren’t real~!”

Aston’s voice was everywhere, and his disgusting, dripping hands were so close to parts he didn’t want touch, he wanted this to stop.

“F-Fuck!”

Spooky screamed and jolted awake when the goopy Aston grabbed onto his member, trembling violently and covered in sweat. 

He was alone, naked, and someone was knocking on the door.

Spooky quickly rushed out of bed, somehow terrified something would come up from the mattress, and started getting dressed.

“C-Coming!”

Where was Aston? Did he leave last night?

And why was Spooky still in control?

He rushed to the door and opened it, blinking a few times when he saw Tyler at the door.

Tyler was holding breakfast in his hands, and had been smiling before.

Spooky was disappointed when the smile disappeared and became worry.

“Josh-? Why are you so pale and sweaty-?” Tyler asked, before going pale himself. “Why do you have bruises on your arms and legs-”

Oh of course, Spooky wasn’t used to hiding bruises, Spooky wasn’t used to being abused and having to hide it.

Spooky felt naked when Tyler said that.

And Spooky felt fake when Tyler said Josh.

“I- I got in a fight last night.” Well, not a lie.

Tyler didn’t even know Josh was dating someone. Spooky would have to be more obvious for the other to know. Yikes.

“Jeeze… Sit down, okay? You really should be resting. Should I call the police? Cancel rehearsals today?”

Yes. And oh god yes.

“No, I’ll be f-fine.”

There’s no way Josh would let Tyler call the police, or cancel rehearsals, no matter how much Spooky wanted to. And Spooky felt he didn’t deserve to make decisions he knew Josh would be very against.

Think of Josh.

Spooky shoved his own wants away.

“When are we going?”

Tyler looked worried still, but sighed. “After breakfast, eat up.”

Spooky moved to eat the food and drink the drink Tyler had brought him, before standing. “Let me get dressed in something better.”

Tyler nodded as Spooky left the room, back to Josh’s bedroom.

Spooky flinched when he saw himself in the mirror, glancing at it.

Bruised, pale, and not totally right. No, there was something wrong with his… his hair.

His color palette was all wrong, he wasn’t the Judge. Pink. It was so pink.

He rushed to the bathroom attached to the bedroom and vomited into the toilet, eyes watering.

What was going on?

Josh’s body was dirty. 

Spooky wasn’t dirty. Spooky just let Josh’s body be dirty.

Josh’s pink haired body.

Spooky sobbed into the toilet as he finally stopped vomiting, flinching when he heard a knock.

“H-Huh?!”

“You alright, Josh…? I thought I heard you throwing up.”

Spooky cleared his throat and cleaned his face quietly as he answered. “I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”

Tyler was quiet for a few moments.

“Alright… Tell me if you need anything.”

Spooky did need something. He needed help.

He sighed and got dressed, before grabbing his- Josh’s wallet and searching for the keys.

He paused when he saw a paper on the side table.

“Jim, if you’re reading this I took the keys. Since this isn’t your house, there’s no reason for you to need them. Go out the back if you need to leave, and call me if you need in again.”

Spooky threw his head back and rubbed his face roughly, about to crumple the paper before he noticed words on the back.

“PS, if Josh is in control, you know where the spare is.”

So it really was just punishing Spooky for being alive.

He stared at the paper before tossing it in the trash, getting on his new clothes, and hobbling out the room a bit.

“Hey, I can’t find my keys.” Spooky started, before pausing. Oh great, now he had to mention some form of getting back when they leave.

“Is the spare still in your box of tour memories?” Tyler asked.

Fuck yes Tyler, a  _ life saver _ .

“Yeah, though I should probably get another made if I can’t find the old ones.” Spooky quickly said, before rushing to get out the box and pull the spare keys out.

Nice!

Almost worth the absolutely heart wrenching throbbing that just went up his ass!

“I’ll take you after rehearsals if you want.”

“Th-That’d be great!”

Spooky tried to calm his breathing, tried to ignore the nausea that spiked up from the painful reminder of last night.

He knew Aston hadn’t tore anything or even really hurt him like that, but it was still sore and he hated it.

It made him sick. So sick.

Spooky stifled vomit and slowly went back to Tyler.

Tyler glanced at him and chewed his lip. “Are you really sure you want to go?”

“Yeah. Ready when you are.”

Tyler sighed and nodded, stepping out of the house and waiting for Spooky to come with.

For Josh to come with.

Spooky went out and locked the door, taking a shaky breath.

Okay.

Spooky could be Josh until Josh was back.

Easy!


	2. though i am bruised, face of contusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self harm in this one! Anyways this is now definitely put before Blurryface. I'm trying to think of how I want to map out the rest of it, I know what I want to happen but don't know how to get there.
> 
> Next chapter is gonna be them heading home i.e. Columbus, Ohio. 
> 
> So yay Spooky gets to pretend to be Josh to Josh's p arents.
> 
> That'll be fun.

" _Rust around the rim_  
_Drink it anyway_  
_I cut my lip_  
_Isn't what I want_  
_Blood is on my tongue_  
_I cut my lip_  "

It was decidedly  _ not  _ easy being Josh.

Especially with the nagging nausea tugging at his stomach whenever he felt the throb between his legs, or the accidental flinches he was trying so hard to stifle when people were touching bruises and anywhere Aston had put his hands.

But even if all of that wasn’t going on, he found pretending to be Josh was harder than he thought. He never had to pretend for very long- on a normal day, he’d have probably woken up randomly (without being in control the night before mind you), let Tyler in, brushed their teeth, got dressed, and then let Josh take control when he was awake awake.

But Spooky was here, it was way past getting dressed and brushing his teeth, and Tyler expected him to play the drums.

Now, Spooky wasn’t bad at playing. He knew how, it was in all of their coding almost.

Sure, they each had their own unique way of drumming, but it was okay.

The “Quiet Is Violent World Tour” was supposed to be some sort of big ticket, and he didn’t mean for the band. With them on tour, Aston had to stay back and Josh could stay with Tyler and talk to him and they would  **_break up_ ** .

And that would happen! Because Spooky wasn’t going to be front stuck forever. He couldn’t be.

Spooky touched the drumsticks carefully as he settled into his seat, eyes shutting. Tyler was already working on the new songs for their next album- and Josh had been helping. Spooky wondered how he could help without drawing attention to the fact he A) had no fucking clue what they had already discussed, and B) was too anxious to even think about actually helping.

Tyler would talk to him after rehearsals, he knew. He’d ask if Spooky could help today. And Spooky would have to decline while also sounding like Josh.

Well. Yikes.

“Josh!”

Spooky flinched in surprise, eyes snapping open. “H-Huh?”

Tyler looked worried again. “If you’re not up for rehearsal today I understand. We can go and see a movie or something.”

Spooky was quick to shake his head. “No, no I can play. Sorry, what did you ask me?”

Tyler chewed his lip. “Uh… Guns for Hands.”

Spooky nodded and took a deep breath, glancing down at the drum set in front of him. Okay. He knew Guns for Hands like the back of  _ his  _ hands.

Josh’s hands.

Spooky felt sick again.

Tyler was practicing, Spooky was… practicing, everything was going smooth.

Sure, Spooky was messing up every now and then but he was doing… fine.

After awhile of practicing songs Spooky really relied on muscle memory for, Tyler finally called it.

Spooky was very relieved they were stopping, tired of playing. He stood up from the drums, dropping the sticks onto the floor and walking over to a more comfortable seat.

Tyler looked like he’d seen someone get shot, however.

“Uh… Josh, are you sure you’re okay? You never just… drop your sticks to the floor like that.”

Spooky blinked. Oh yeah. Josh was attached to his drumsticks right now, trying to cope with trauma, with Aston.

Spooky’s stomach churned and squeezed.

“I-I’m fine, I’m just feeling bad and wanted to sit down.”

Tyler sat down slowly with Spooky, before relaxing a little bit into the seat. “Josh, I think you need to… Get back home and take a nap. Are you in pain? I can get you some Tylenol.”

Spooky froze. Get back home. But Aston had the key and Spooky had the body.

“I… I don’t, uh… Right…”

Sick. Sick. Sick. Aston was going to hurt him if he got back.

Aston was-

Spooky vomited onto the floor suddenly, hand moving to grip onto the couch arm. 

Tyler jolted to attention to help him, rubbing his back and mumbling to him. Other people were coming to help- too close, too many people- Spooky couldn’t stop trembling.

“Okay, I got you Josh. I’ve got you.”

_ Josh _ . And Tyler’s hands were touching him, so close to a bad, dirty, stained spot of his body.

“S-Stop touching me-” Spooky gasped, thankful that the hands disappeared and he was simply trembling. “I-I can’t…”

Tyler got him a water bottle, and Spooky thankfully accepted it and drank carefully, trying not to make himself throw up again.

“Do you need a doctor…?” Tyler asked softly, confused and worried and no clue what was happening.

“... Tyler, can I stay at your house until we leave?” Spooky finally asked, voice cracking. He ignored Tyler’s question, but Tyler was distracted by the question.

“Stay at my house?”

Spooky nodded jerkily, breathing giving little hitches. He didn't know why he was asking, trying. 

Oh no, he did know. 

If he went back to Aston he'd be even more traumatized than this. 

Spooky's shaking hands were yanked to his chest, eyes shutting as he barely heard whatever was being told to him. Was he really traumatized? 

Spooky thought he was somehow being both too tame for this to be a true trauma reaction and too much for anyone to handle. 

“Josh??”

Spooky flinched, eyes opening again. “H-Huh?” He asked, looking over at Tyler. 

Terrified, worried Tyler. 

“Did you hear what I said…?”

Spooky shook his head. 

“You can stay at my house. Let's get back to yours and grab your stuff.”

Spooky gave a whimper and a nod, flinching but allowing Tyler to help him stand. 

“Are you going to be okay with a car ride?”

Spooky nodded softly. He hated burdening Tyler like this. What if Aston was there at the house waiting for Spooky…?

He held Tyler’s hand tightly, much to the singer’s surprise, but he didn't pull away. 

“L-Let’s go…” Spooky mumbled. 

Tyler led Spooky toward the way out, and Spooky felt so relieved by it.

There was something comforting about being this close to Tyler, and being led around by the hand. Like Tyler was there and Tyler would keep him safe.

But Spooky wondered if Tyler would even want to keep him safe knowing he wasn’t Josh.

The personality watched the ground as he followed Tyler to his car, rubbing his face. 

Spooky got into the car when he was able to, pulling a knee carefully to his chest and hiding his face against it.

Tyler got in, and Spooky quietly listened to the radio.

He blinked when Tyler gently tapped his shoulder, looking over.

“We’re here.” Tyler said softly, making Spooky’s heart flutter a bit. Tyler was so nice…

Spooky nodded and got out, moving to the door and opening it as Tyler followed behind.

Spooky was grateful when Tyler helped him pack up, and even grabbed his tour suitcases- Josh’s tour suitcases- to bring with.

No point in coming back if they could just bring everything. Spooky couldn’t help the smile that took over his lips. Good, he didn’t want to come back.

Spooky pulled out Josh’s phone to make sure Aston hadn’t messaged. He hadn’t, so Spooky sent a text saying he was going to stay with Tyler since he didn’t own Josh’s house and to stay away from him cause Aston didn’t own Spooky.

Spooky immediately muted the phone when Aston texted back, ignoring it.

He wasn’t going to even say a word to the other.

“Um, Tyler?”

Tyler looked over from where he was looking through the movies, having wanted to take a few with so they could binge. “Yeah?”

Spooky reached up to tug his hair. 

“Can we get something to eat?”

\--------

Spooky was picking at the food on his plate, hungry but still mildly nauseous whenever he moved.

Tyler was watching him a little, obviously still worried. He picked at his own food, before speaking again.

“You’ll tell me if something’s really wrong, right?”

Spooky paused. He wasn’t sure if he could to be honest. Not only did he not want anyone to know he wasn’t Josh, he was terrified that Tyler would…

Would get mad at him.

Spooky paused when he realized that was precisely the fear that had been starting to surface all day.

Spooky was the protector, he’d promised that he’d keep them safe, that he’d fuck up Aston, that…

He promised a lot of things, and the moment he was in control and going to save them, he was violated.

Used.

Hit like he was subhuman, next to nothing.

No, no like he  _ was  _ nothing.

Spooky couldn’t breathe.

Spooky felt like the world was crashing against him, and everything was going dark and he couldn’t see and were those hands-?

Spooky jolted a bit, realizing he hadn’t actually caused a scene until his jolt, and the only thing that was really happening was Tyler was worriedly holding his hand.

“H-Huh?”

“I asked if you would tell me if something was really wrong, then you stared at your plate and stopped breathing or responding… I was really worried…”

Spooky dipped his head in embarrassment. This was embarrassing. Spooky deserved when he got hurt, it was his punishment for not helping sooner.

But now how could he help without disappointed Tyler and ruining Josh’s life forever….

Spooky swallowed. “Sorry, I guess I zoned out a bit.”

“A bit.”

“I’ll tell you if anything is seriously wrong, I promise. But I’m really fine.”

Tyler looked unconvinced, but Spooky wasn’t about to budge on that.

After they finished eating, Spooky held Tyler’s hand again.

It was only a moment, Spooky instinctively reaching for Tyler’s hand and grasping it softly, before he realized that it was wrong and he quickly let go.

Tyler was blushing softly, eyes slightly widened. “Oh- we can hold hands if you need-”

“No, I’m okay, sorry.”

Spooky rushed to the car as best he could without making his body hurt too much, standing at the door and waiting for them to unlock so he could get in.

The car’s movements was soothing in a way, and he felt comfort in the closeness he felt being next to Tyler.

He was nearly asleep when they got to Tyler’s house, and Spooky helped Tyler bring in Josh’s things before relaxing on Tyler’s couch.

It was nice feeling safe.

“Josh?”

Oh yeah, there was still that.

Spooky winced and looked up at Tyler, cocking his head.

“Movie time?”

Spooky nodded, and let Tyler put on the movie and sit next to him.

Spooky made sure they weren’t touching, and checked the time on his phone. Aston had left texts but Spooky simply swiped away the notifications. No, not today.

It was getting late, and it would be dark out by the time they finished the first movie and rolled into the second, so Spooky settled and let the movies play. He couldn’t concentrate well though, and something in him felt relieved when Tyler fell asleep halfway into the second movie.

Another part realized he was alone, and sad, and it was dark.

Spooky drew his knees up to his chest, trying desperately to contact someone in Josh’s head, Josh maybe. Please, Josh…

But there was nothing but his own thoughts.

If this was what being a singlet was, Spooky was very glad Josh wasn’t.

Spooky stood up off the couch and moved to the bathroom to splash some water in his face and try to make himself feel better, quietly shutting and locking the bathroom door behind him before he caught a glimpse in the mirror.

His stomach churned as he stared, the image before him looking…

Spooky thought Josh looked sick, and tired too.

Josh was too pale right now, and too trembly, and when Spooky threw his shirt and pants off, too bruised.

Spooky ruined Josh’s body.

Spooky… Spooky wasn’t…

Spooky couldn’t breathe again, and there was really only one thing he could think of that would help him breathe.

He scrambled to grab at Josh’s basket of bathroom things he’d brought, shoving away the toothbrush, lotion, deodorant- none of this!

He finally wrapped Josh’s hand around Josh’s razor, pulling it up and breaking it open.

Josh’s hands were shaking, and Spooky couldn’t make them stop shaking.

Josh’s hands held onto a blade carefully, before they moved and cut into Spooky’s wrist.

Spooky’s wrist.

Spooky could breathe again, sitting on the floor and using the blade to cut into Spooky’s arms, breathing heavily as he continued.

Spooky’s arms were bleeding.

Spooky was pale.

Spooky was bruised.

Spooky was traumatized.

A deep breath filled Spooky’s lungs as he finally dropped the blade, eyes shutting. Okay. Spooky was Spooky, and Spooky was sick.

Spooky might have been subhuman, who knew if Aston was right or not.

But Spooky was real.

At least he believed it in that moment.

He blinked a few times, before he finally realized what exactly had just happened.

A whine left him, eyes squeezing shut.

When Josh woke up the next morning, he’d have to go to therapy again and what if the therapist was shit again? Or the medicine makes him sick?

What if Josh was made to feel worse about them than ever before… again?

Spooky whimpered and hunched into himself, before carefully grabbing bandages from Josh’s basket and cleaning himself up.

Spooky carefully left the bathroom once it was all clean, slowly sitting down next to Tyler and whimpering softly about the pain in his arms.

Spooky curled up, waiting to fall asleep and Josh be in control in the morning and then be hated for all the hell he’d done, every bad thing he caused.

Except Spooky went straight into a nightmare again (this time about Tyler seeing, and smacking him, and hurting him, and  **hating** him), which woke him up only an hour later.

Maybe Tyler wouldn’t notice and Spooky could go on for the day until Josh came back.

Of course, how could Tyler not notice that Spooky was doing horribly?

Spooky bit his lip and watched Tyler’s sleeping form for a few moments before he moved to the other couch and simply laid there, waiting for Tyler to wake up or Spooky to fall asleep, whichever came first.

Thankfully, Spooky did finally get into a fitful sleep yet again. But it didn’t make him feel rested.

No, when morning finally rolled around and Spooky woke up again, he just feel more exhausted than before.

This was going to be much harder than Spooky previously thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the slightly awkward ending, I wasn't sure how to end it without accidentally going into the next day, and I didn't want that oops


	3. i'll fuck you up if you're mean to bugs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I based Spooky as a teenager on the song Boys Will Be Bugs :o
> 
> I guess the child abuse in this chapter is really just neglect and subtle emotional abuse, and only mentioned really.
> 
>  
> 
> [The song I based Spooky's childhood after](https://youtu.be/ofrMZ4owOiI)
> 
>  
> 
> Also no I won't tell you who the secret one is, you'll see ;o
> 
> This chapter is like 50% a flashback to their childhood and has Josh!!! In the flashback so :o

"  _I feel stupid (stupid)_  
_Ugly (ugly)_  
_Pretend it doesn't bother me_  
_I'm not very strong but_  
_I'll fuck you up if you're mean to bugs_ "

 

Spooky decided he'd hide himself for the day. He wasn't equipped enough to handle a day with anyone, even Tyler. He asked Tyler about the guest room and immediately holed himself up. 

He laid under the covers and stayed in a careful ball, keeping his arms as safe as possible with music playing from the phone as it charged. 

Tyler was worried about him. 

Tyler had come in at one point to ask if he needed food, and Spooky hesitated before saying yeah, he did. 

Spooky ate the sandwich he'd been given, thankful that (while he lingered for a moment) Tyler left. 

Spooky knew it was time to leave soon, and time to go back home, to see Tyler’s parents and Josh’s parents.

Spooky rubbed his face carefully and fought back tears. He didn’t want to see Josh’s parents. They would definitely be able to tell something was wrong. 

That terrified him.

Sure, Josh’s parents loved Josh, more than anything (minus his siblings, but that was to be expected. They were equals.), but dealing with the others had always been a hassle, and he found they acted like they really would rather do anything else than be around them. 

Most of them anyways.

The Judge obviously was loved, Lane Boy too. 

Spooky, Misty, and █████ were not.

Half was better than nothing.

The Judge was soft, and respectful- and they treated them like they were a child. Not that the Judge would ever complain. They loved it.

Lane Boy stayed out of their way mostly, and while they seemed more indifferent about him, they did sometimes get him treats and invite him to do things with them, unlike Spooky.

Maybe it was because Lane Boy never beat people up at school.

Spooky was the protector, always had been, always would be. But at around the age of 14, when Josh was getting bullied, Spooky had decided he would be mean.

He would stand up for them, he would not care what they thought.

Josh wasn’t happy with him, but there was something even more horrible about that. The fact Josh wasn’t mad.

Josh was disappointed.

Spooky held his knees to his chest, giving a quick noise of pain when his arms squished.

Would Josh be disappointed after this was all over?

Spooky remembered the first time Josh got disappointed with him.

It hadn’t even been one of the many times they’d been sent to the principle with a black eye and instead of investigating, got suspended along with their bully.

No, it was the girl with the sweater.

Sure, Josh had been sad about the suspensions, and worried, but he never blamed Spooky.

Spooky was definitely blamed for what happened with the girl.

Spooky had been taking over less and less around that time, not many people were bullying them, Josh was getting emotionally healthy, and the others only came out when they wanted to.

However, it was a particularly stressful day, and due to not only being a protector from physical things but also being some sort of form of anxiety, Spooky was in control.

He’d noticed the girl sitting on a bench outside the school, when it was nearing class time. However, it was snowing and Spooky worried that she was lost, maybe.

He sat down next to her and struck up an awkward and nervous conversation.

“Uh, hi. I’m... Jim. What are you doing out here?”

He’d used his own name.

His own name, and not Josh’s.

The girl smiled at him awkwardly too, and gave her own name.

“My name is Calypso…”

Calypso. 

Spooky was floored by how pretty her name was.

Honestly, he was floored by her. Her hair was red, so red he was sure it was dyed.

It had snow in it, and she looked… flawless to him.

But she wasn’t very skinny, and her face wasn’t striking. He thought she was amazing, but could already tell she was a “got bullied” type.

Spooky stood up. “Why aren’t you in class?”

“I didn’t want to go.”

Spooky nodded. He understood that. He didn’t want to go either.

Spooky spent the day with her. They’d left school ground and went to buy something to eat at a McDonald’s.

They’d even exchanged numbers, and her calling him Jim the whole time filled him with a joy he’d never felt before.

They saw each other on the weekends mostly, with Josh asking him to not do that again during school.

Spooky had promised.

About 4 months later, Josh and Calypso accidentally met.

Josh had known who she was from pictures of Jim and her together, but didn’t know how to handle talking to her.

“Jim!”

Josh was with his friends, who looked a little confused. There was no Jim.

“Jim? Are we still hanging out after school today?”

Friday, it was Friday.

Josh had given a nervous laugh and glanced behind him at his friends and looked over at Calypso again.

“Uh… Can we talk outside?”

Calypso blinked in confusion.

“Huh? Why Jim?”

“Hey Josh, why does she keep calling you Jim?”

Josh winced a bit, as Calypso’s expression went cold.

“Jim isn’t your real name. Josh, huh. Are you embarrassed of me, then? Did you never even want to be my friend?”

Josh’s eyes had widened. “No wait- please step outside with me and I’ll explain everything just-”

Calypso hesitated. But Calypso wasn’t the type of person to storm off without it being explained, and she expected an apology.

“Alright, fine. Why not in front of your friends, huh?” She asked.

Josh looked over at the boys he was with, eyeing him in confusion and another emotion Josh didn’t like.

“Because it’s none of their business. Please?”

Calypso sighed and nodded, and Josh followed her outside.

Calypso was watching the floor, waiting for Josh to speak.

Josh was debating on putting Jim in control or explaining himself. It would be smarter to explain, then let Jim.

“You met Jim.” Josh tried, because this wasn’t some silly story he was telling- this was real truth and a terrifying one at that.

“What, your identical brother?” Calypso asked, a roll of her eyes.

Josh shook his head. “I uh… I have dissociative identity disorder…”

Calypso paused, blinking slowly. “Wait… what?”

“I don’t know you. Jim has pictures of you two together on my phone, that’s the only reason I recognized you. He talks about you a lot though.”

Calypso was silent for a long time. “... you’re serious?”

Josh nodded.

“Can I see Jim?”

Josh just nodded again.

Calypso sat down and waited for Josh to let Jim out. At the time, Josh was able to contact them in some way, but he wouldn’t get better at that until he was healthier and asked one of his therapists for help.

Calypso watched as Josh switched, waiting for Jim to speak.

She noticed the change on his face, she believed him immediately.

“O-Oh- you weren’t supposed to know about Josh…” Jim mumbled, but Calypso just shook her head.

“It’s okay. I get why you didn’t tell me.”

Jim got depressed when Calypso was moving away.

Jim’s only friend only he had was gone, and it hurt. So Jim changed his hair to red in system, took that as his color, and ignored Calypso.

Jim was angry and depressed and wanted Calypso to hurt. He didn’t know why, but he wasn’t a good friend when they were long distance.

He made her cry often, and Josh was upset by it. Very upset.

Josh was even more disappointed when Jim finally said they were done being friends, and Josh explained to her that Jim was depressed and had no right to treat her like that.

Calypso and Josh became friends, and Jim was the toxic outcast of the group once again.

It took months for Josh to forgive him.

Spooky flinched when he heard a knock at the door, looking up. “Huh?”

Tyler opened the door slowly. “Uh… You’ve been in here all day, are you alright…?”

Spooky flushed and looked away, nodding. “Sorry, today’s been… weird.”

“You at least got some sleep right? Plane ride’s tomorrow.”

Spooky nodded, before hesitantly patting the seat beside him. “Watch a movie with me?”

Tyler agreed, and they both ended up falling asleep cuddling together.

Spooky woke up to the sun in his room, and Tyler curled up against him. He flushed and sat up a bit, watching Tyler’s eyes flutter open.

“Mmm… Morning.” Tyler hummed, before sitting up and kissing Spooky softly.

Spooky blinked in surprise, eyes wide as Tyler kissed him. “Uh… Tyler?”

“Yeah Jim?”

Oh. It was a dream.

Spooky was disappointed, but he also had Tyler right in his grasp, smiling and so happy to see him.

Spooky immediately started kissing him again.

They rolled on the bed a bit, Spooky kissing all along Tyler’s face and neck.

“Oh Jim… Jim I can clean you…”

“Clean me?”

Tyler nodded, sitting up. “We can have sex, I can clean you. You’ll be clean and okay.”

Spooky sat up too. “Would that actually clean me?”

Tyler nodded, moving to kiss where Spooky saw bruises on his arm. They disappeared when Tyler kissed them.

“... Please. Please Tyler, please clean me.”

Tyler nodded, but before Spooky could be cleaned, he woke up.

Spooky felt frustrated tears immediately prick up in his eyes, turning to shut off the alarm. Plane. Right.

“T-Tyler?”

Tyler woke up after a couple nudges to his shoulder, blushing and pulling away a bit. “Josh?”

Huff.

“My uh… Alarm went off…” Spooky said, causing Tyler to get up.

“Time to get ready.”

“Yeah.”

The differences between Josh and Spooky were easy to see sometimes, even if they acted somewhat similar in some situations.

Frustration was not one of them.

“Are you okay…? You look like you’re crying…”

Now if Josh were here, if Spooky was better at pretending to be Josh, he would have just waved him off with some excuse about yawning too hard.

Spooky, however, was stressed, frustrated, dirty, and his arms were throbbing. So, naturally…

“I’m fine okay, every single time you ask I’m  _ fine _ ! Stop asking!”

Tyler flinched back in surprise, eyes widening. “O-Oh… I… I’m sorry, I just… I was worried…”

“I don’t need you to worry about me!”

Tyler chewed his lip. He wasn’t angry, in fact it looked like Spooky lashing out only made him more worried.

“Okay… If there is anything wrong then just tell me. I’ll stop asking.”

Tyler caught on that Spooky wasn’t ready to talk.

Spooky watched him leave, before getting dressed and exhaling softly.

“Okay… Plane ride, parents, concert. Easy…”

Spooky was done believing anything was actually easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'll be more prominent next chapter. Also sorry for the shortness, I didn't want to get into the plane ride or parents in this chapter, I want that to be in the next one. <3 next one should be much longer!


End file.
